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In 1961, the humorist Stan Freberg issued Volume 1 of The United States of America, a musical telling of the founding of America through the Battle of Yorktown (Volume 2 goes through the end of World War I (“They’ll never be another war…”)). The first scene on Volume 1 relates the story of how the Native Americans discovered Columbus. Although many things have changed since 1961 when this was recorded — Columbus is no longer held in the same regard, the portrayal of the Native American would be very different — there are still points that ring true, especially the exchange:

Columbus: Alright. Hello there. Hello there. We white man. Other side of ocean. My name, Christopher Columbus.
Chief: Oh, you over here on a Fulbright?
Columbus: No, no. I’m over here on an Isabella, as a matter of fact. Which reminds me. I want to take a few of you guys back on the boat to prove I discovered you.
Chief: What you mean discover us? We discover you.
Columbus: You discovered us?
Chief: Certainly, we discover you on beach here. Is all how you look at it.

Over 15 years ago, I started posting this particular scene from The United States of America every year on Indigenous People Day (nee Columbus Day). I do it as a celebration of Stan Freberg, who died in 2015 at age 88, one of the best satirists America has seen. Although it is clearly dated, every time I hear it I find new references and insights. It is always Stan Freberg day for me.  It is a day when we celebrate the story of how Native Americans discovered a Italian sailor, and the world was never the same. Just look at all he brought us: “real food: starches, spaghetti, cholesterol, … all the better things. That’s called progress.” It is a day when we celebrate how the inhabitants of Miami Beach discovered an illegal boat person on their shore, and made the gigantic mistake of offering him and the others on his boat asylum… and look at what happened. It’s a day that highlights the arrogance of Columbus and his party, just taking land and pushing aside the Native Americans. Or, just perhaps, it is a day that celebrates a city in Ohio for reason no one really knows, other than we needed to give bankers a 3-day weekend in October, because we all know they need the respite.

In any case, the banks are still closed.

I present a transcription of the scene, just as it happened. If you would like to listen to it, here’s the YouTube of the track:

NARR: 1492, Madrid. The Queen of Spain grants an audience to an obscure Italian sailor. There, in her chambers, plans are made destined to change the course of history.
COLUMBUS (CC): Alright, we’ll go over it once again. First you hock the jewels, you give me the money and I buy the ships. Then I discover the new world, you dump the king, and I’ll send for you.
QUEEN ISABELLA (QI): You say you’ll send for me, dahling, but will you?
CC: Look, we’ve been all through this before.
QI: I know, but really, you’re such a dreamer. You’ll go out there and sail right off the end of the world.
CC: I will not!
QI: You’re such a charming boy, dahling. Why don’t you forget all this? I’ll set you up with a nice little Fiat agency over in West Barcelona.
CC: I don’t want a Fiat agency!
QI: Then why don’t you go to art school like your friend, Da Vinci? I’ll put you through.
CC: If Lenny wants to starve to death, that’s up to Lenny. Me, I want to discover the new world, carry out my dream. (trumpet fanfare)

ANNOUNCE: His Majesty, King Ferdinand.

QI: (gasp) The King.
CC: Oh, sure, he’ll be at the inquisition all afternoon.
QI: Time just slipped away. Quickly, take the jewels and go, over the balcony. (door opens)
CC: Too late.

QI: Good afternoon dear. How was the inquisition? Amusing?
KING FERDINAND (KF): Dullsville. Same old… say, who’s that?
QI: You remember Christopher Columbus.
KF: You mean old “round, round world”. (laughs). You and your Bohemian friends.
QI: He’s not Bohemian, he’s Italian.
KF: Italian, Bohemian. Look at him in that hat. Is that a crazy sailor?

QI: Crazy? I’ll tell you how crazy. He’s a man with a dream, a vision. A vision of a new world, whose alabaster cities gleam, undimmed by human tears. With purple mountains magestied above the 2 cents plain
CC & KF: (fruited)
QI: Fruited. He holds these griefs to be self-evident, this “round, round world” with Indians and justice for all. Let us then go forward together toward Miami Beach, so that the dream of this crazy Italian boy, indivisible, should not perish from the map. (cheers from crowd)

CC: Is that moving? Was that a great bit?
KF: I always said this girl had a lot of…Wait a minute! I ask a simple question, I get a pageant. Why should Spain sponsor you? Why don’t you go to Portugal?

CC: I did—they bought “The Price is Right”
KF: Oh.

CC: Then I have your permission to sail?
KF: Have you had your shots?
CC: I have.
KF: Permission granted.
CC: Gracias. Areva Derchi
KF: Hasta La Vista
QI: Adios (Mariachi band: Adios Muchachos, Compañareros)

KF: Would you get out of here? (footsteps) Strange, he left by the balcony.
QI: Force of habit I guess.
KF: Yeah, yeah, how’s that again.
QI: Nothing.
KF: Isabella? When are you going to quit fooling around with these nuts?

(on ship) 1st Mate: Admiral Columbus, sir. The men are weary, on the point of madness.
CC: Well, that’s the trouble with labor today. Don’t they realize we’re going to discover the New World?
KF: You’ve been saying that for the last 57 days.
CC: Nobody forced you to come along, your Majesty.
KF: My doctor told me I should go to Florida for the winter.

KF: I still can’t see what you needed three ships for?
CC: I got a better deal on the fleet rate.
KF: I’ll accept that. But we better sight land soon, there’s rumblings of mutiny.
CC: Really?
KF: Come over here and listen

Crew: Rumble. Rumble. Rumble. Mutiny. Mutiny. Mutiny.

CC: I see what you mean. I’ll jump up here on the rigging and speak to them.
KF: You mean on top of everything else this ship is rigged?

CC: Now hear this! This is the Admiral speaking. I know the going has been rough, but if you can just hold out a little while.
Crew: (rumble rumble)
CC: Stop that rumbling down there.
KF: Who can blame them! The whole thing is madness! I don’t like the way the crew is acting!
CC: You’re overplaying it a little bit yourself there.
KF: I tell you the world is flat, and that’s that!
CC: It’s round as your hat!
KF: It’s flat as your head!
CC: It’s round!
KF: It’s flat!

CC: It’s a round, round world
It’s a round, round world

I contend it’s round,
and it’s gonna be found
When all the results are in
It’s a round world now and it’s always been

KF: Flat Flat world
It’s a flat, flat world
I insist it’s flat as a welcoming mat
And he’s sailing off the end
How about our crazy Itralian friend?

CC: Friend, Get hip
Would I climb aboard this ship
If I didn’t have odds the earth was highly spherical

KF: It’s a miracle if it is

CC: Square, square king
You’re a square, square king
If you don’t believe
You’re gonna receive
The shock of your royal life
When the ship pulls in at Miami…

Crew: Yo, ho, ho and a Dramamine
We are loyal subjects of the king and queen
But what kind of nut would you have to be
To borrow a ship and put out to sea
When you don’t know what’s on the other side

[Simultaneously:]

KF: All week long on a hardtack bun
Brother, who said getting there is half the fun
Give up my throne for one Navy Bean
No wonder I’m turning three shades of green
How could I go on such a loony trip

CC: Round, round world
It’s a round, round world
I contend it’s round
And it’s gonna be found
When all the results are in
It’s a round world now
And it’s always been

[Simultaneously:]

Crew: Crazy kind of scheme
It’s a cockamamie dream
If we don’t sight land we’re gonna scream

CC: Get hip
Would I climb aboard this ship
If I didn’t have odds
The earth was highly spherical

KF: It’s a miracle if it is

[Simultaneously:]

Crew: Yo, ho, ho through the wind and rain
There’s a typhoon coming up
But where’s John Wayne?

CC: Square, square crew
You’re a square, square crew

[Simultaneously:]

CC: If you don’t believe
You’re gonna receive
The shock of your salty lives
When I take command in the name of…

KF: I feel like a red witch having a wake
How much of the ocean bit do you think I can take
Claim that land in the name of…

CC: Isabella and Ferdinand
KF: That’s Ferdinand and Isabella:

Both: New rulers of this round, round world
Crew: Crazy kind of scheme, It’s a cockamamie dream, but we hope that’s its a round, round world.

KF: Well, for all our sakes, I hope that…
Lookout: Land Ho! (horn fanfare)

KF: What was that?
CC: French horns.
KF: No, before that.
CC: It was the lookout, he sighted land.

Crew: Hurray

CC: Quickly, hand me the glass.
KF: Alright.
CC: No, no, the other one.
KF: Oh? (pause) Oh. (sound of wine pouring)
CC: To the New World!
KF: Likewise (clink)

KF: Alright, alright, give the kid top billing.
CC: I claim this land in the name of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain.
Chief: How?
CC: Well, first I stick the flag in the sand, and then I…
KF: Watch yourself Admiral. Natives. They may be hostile.
CC: Well, we’re all a little hostile now and then. Some of us are able to sublimate. Others can’t adjust. You know how it is.
KF: I know, but you better try to talk to him.
CC: Alright. Hello there. Hello there. We white man. Other side of ocean. My name, Christopher Columbus.
Chief: Oh, you over here on a Fulbright?
CC: No, no. I’m over here on an Isabella, as a matter of fact. Which reminds me. I want to take a few of you guys back on the boat to prove I discovered you.
Chief: What you mean discover us? We discover you.
CC: You discovered us?
Chief: Certainly, we discover you on beach here. Is all how you look at it.
CC: Yeah, I suppose. (pause) Well, my men and I were wondering if you could spare a little food.
Chief: What kind num-nums you want?
CC: What is that strange looking plant you’re holding there, with the little yellow kernels?
Chief: You mean this? (trumpet fanfare)
CC: Yes, what is that?
Chief: French horns.

CC: No, no, what you’re holding in your hand.
Chief: Oh, corn.
CC: That’s what I thought it was. What else you got to eat around here?
Chief: Berries, herbs, natural fruits, and organically grown vegetables.
CC: Just as I suspected. What kind of a diet is that! That’s why I’ve come here, to fulfill my dream.

Chief: You have a dream?
CC: Yes I do.
Chief: Would you like to talk about it?
CC: I certainly would. My dream is to open the first Italian restaurant in your country. Give you some real
food: starches, spaghetti, cholesterol, … all the better things. That’s called progress.
Chief: Hmmm.

CC: Now right here would be a good location for the restaurant, ocean view and all that. Is there room for a parking lot?
Chief: You kidding? Whole country is parking lot.

CC: I suppose. Well, I’d like to put a little deposit down on the property, here…
Chief: OK
CC: …I only have a few dubloons on me, so if you direct me to the nearest bank, I’ll get a check cashed.

Chief: You out of luck today. Banks closed.
CC: Oh, why?
Chief: Columbus Day.
CC: Oh, yeah. (pauses) We going out on that joke?
Chief: No, we do reprise of song, that help.
CC & IC: But not much… no…

Simultaneously:

CC: Round, round world
It’s a new found world
And the land looks good
Like a continent should
Complete with a flag unfurled

Native Americans: Yo, ho, ho and a buckskin sleeve
Now the white man’s here I guess
It’s time to leave
But why go to war and fight like a jerk
Perhaps we can pick up some kind of work

Native Americans: In an Indian extravaganza
Wyatt Earp or Bonanza

CC: Please don’t call us, we’ll call you

KF: Step aside pal, meet the new
Both: Big cheeses of this round, round world!

This entry was originally posted on Observations Along the Road as It’s Stan Freberg Day, and the Banks are Closed by cahwyguy. Although you can comment on DW, please make comments on original post at the Wordpress blog using the link to the left. You can sign in with your LJ, DW, FB, or a myriad of other accounts. Note: Subsequent changes made to the post on the blog are not propagated by the SNAP Crossposter; please visit the original post to see the latest version. P.S.: If you see share buttons above, note that they do not work outside of the Wordpress blog.

It’s that time again. Here in California we normally don’t have statewide elections in odd years, but this year is special. We do have an election, with one Proposition on the ballot. This means there is no signature battle driving people to the ballot box, so it is even more important to get out the vote. Sample ballots have been mailed; the ballot guide has been mailed, and the actual ballots were received a day or so ago. Now, every election, I do a detailed ballot analysis of my sample ballot. This is where I examine each candidate or issue and share my conclusions, and invite you to convince me to vote for the other jerk or the other way. Fasten your seatbelts.

Here’s the issue that’s on the ballot:

• Proposition 50:  Authorizes Temporary Changes to Congressional District Maps in Response to Texas’ Partisan Redistricting. Legislative Constitutional Amendment.

According to the legislative analyst, this proposition does two things:

• Use Legislatively Drawn Congressional District Maps Until After the Next Census. Proposition 50 replaces California’s current congressional district maps with new, legislatively drawn maps. (The total number of districts would not change.) Proposition 50’s maps must follow federal law, but they are not required to follow the state requirements placed on the Commission. The state would use Proposition 50’s maps for congressional elections starting in 2026. The state would use these maps until the Commission draws new district maps, following the 2030 U.S. Census.
• National Congressional Redistricting: Call for Change in Federal Law. Proposition 50 asks the U.S. Congress to change federal law and propose an amendment to the U.S. Constitution to require redistricting be done by “fair, independent, and nonpartisan redistricting commissions nationwide.” Proposition 50 expresses voter support for this idea, but does not change federal law or require any particular action of Congress or the California Legislature.

Let’s start the analysis folks:

In an ideal world: Congressional boundaries would be drawn by independent commissions putting like interests together, either ignoring party or making districts politically even. They would overall make the makeup of the districts representative of the state overall in terms of politics, gender, race, etc., so that the state’s congressional delegation looked like the state. They would eschew gerrymandering, where districts are drawn to favor particular candidates or political parties. A few states, such as California, enacted laws to do this.

In an ideal world: Drawing of congressional districts would occur ONCE after each 10 year census, so that battles in the districts can reflect changes in political and district makeup, and folks that don’t like their congresscritters could vote them out, and vote new ones in.

But we live in Trump’s world right now, and Trump doesn’t like to lose. He’s made clear that he will do whatever it takes to ensure he wins, his followers win, and he stays in power, and that no one investigates his behavior. He’s file lawsuits. He’ll attempt to tamper and interfere in elections, as he did in George in 2020 when he asked them to find votes. He’ll rig the election rules to make it harder for those in the other party — and those he doesn’t like — to vote.

This year, he’s trying to protect himself by Gerrymandering. He specifically asked a number of states to redraw their congressional maps to increase the likelihood that more Republicans get elected to Congress, ensuring he has a majority there and is safe from impeachment and investigations. In response, states like Texas and Missouri did, increasing the likelihood of there being more Republicans and less Democrats, despite how the actual demographics might be.

In response, California — not wanting to dilute its power and Democrat majority in Congress, as California is a Blue state — created this proposal. It temporarily sets aside the results of the independent commission for this 10 year cycle, and redraws lines in response to restore the balance in Congress. It also asks Congress to create independent redistricting commissions. I wish it had gone further to ask for an amendment that restricted redistricting to once every census cycle, but you can’t get everything.

Let’s follow the money.

Who is primarily funding the “No” side. First, the California Republican Party. That’s understandable. Those ads with Arnold? Those are coming from a coalition primarily funded by Charles Munger. Munger is an anti-choice billionaire. A strong Republican.  According to Politico, Munger isn’t MAGA. But he is strongly Republican, and presumably aligned with Republican Values and keeping Republicans in power. Reform California is also against it, and this is a clearly MAGA group, from what I’ve seen them trying to do in the legislature.

Who is in favor? The California Democratic Party. Again, not a surprise. Courage California (where you can order a yard sign). A very large coalition, including major Democrats and Democratic organizations.

So what are my thoughts? In an ideal world, we would have fair elections. We would make it easy for citizens to register and vote, and to vote securely by mail. We wouldn’t put roadblocks in the way of registration (such as requiring certified birth certificates, passports, proof of marital name changes, or long trips to get those documents). We would have independent commissions drawing boundaries once every 10 years, and there would be no Gerrymandering.

But we live in Trump’s world, and the only way to remove Trump from office (barring natural causes), or at least hold him accountable, is through the ballot box. And for that, we need fair and balanced districting. Trump has convinced some states to put their thumbs on the scale of that balance in order to tip the scales in favor of the MAGA Republicans, regardless of the ballot box. So, California must, once again, step up and do its part to protect the nation. We did it with air emission standards. We did it with CEQA. We did it with fuel economy. We’ll do it again by offsetting the Yellow Thumb of Texas, and by Showing Missouri that their attempts to cowtow to Trump are for naught.

I guess you know my position now: YES ON 50.

I guess I should go order my yard sign…. too bad I don’t live in El Dorado County.

This entry was originally posted on Observations Along the Road as Nov 2025 General Election Ballot Analysis: Proposition 50 by cahwyguy. Although you can comment on DW, please make comments on original post at the Wordpress blog using the link to the left. You can sign in with your LJ, DW, FB, or a myriad of other accounts. Note: Subsequent changes made to the post on the blog are not propagated by the SNAP Crossposter; please visit the original post to see the latest version. P.S.: If you see share buttons above, note that they do not work outside of the Wordpress blog.